Why are many pastors and leaders lone wolves?
For years, we have been bombarded by scandal and falls among church leaders. Abuse seems to be common and rampant. The church is becoming ineffective in the town square as a place of humility and safety. We have made it all too easy for pop culture to reduce the Christian experience to memes and jokes. Church leaders are many times at the center of all the controversy. It looks like we are more interested in protecting the institution than being the servants of Jesus.
Story after story reveals that most fallen leaders have a similar and strikingly equal weakness. They were alone. They had few friends. They had little transparency. They became untouchable.
Church leadership has attracted and celebrated so many narcissists that it seems hard to find a humble and vulnerable leader.
Although the problem seems rampant, I still believe that Jesus will build His church and nothing will destroy it. (Matthew 16:18) He is still moving in the hearts of men and women to serve and lead the Kingdom work Jesus left for the Church to fulfill. The church is not dead and ministers are still needed. The world still needs a Savior and that Savior is not the local pastor – it’s Jesus!
A better way forward
1. Walk in open vulnerability.
Although the temptation for most pastors is to put on an ere of perfection, we should walk in humble vulnerability. Be honest with your struggles. You have not graduated from the conviction of the Holy Spirit and you shouldn’t act like it.
2. Be open to critics.
Be approachable and teachable. When you make a mistake, acknowledge it, confess it, and seek restoration. This has not changed just because we are ministers. We have not graduated from sin or confession. Be open to questions, critiques, exhortation, and correction.
3. Be transparent with struggles.
Pastors aren’t perfect and we shouldn’t claim to be. We need to step up each week completely open to discuss and admit the struggles we work through ourselves. Struggles with faith, leadership, family life, and yes, even sin. This takes us off the pedestal and makes us human size.
4. Don’t hide and isolate when temptation arises.
Since temptation is a part of the life of ministers, we need to run to support when tempted. This is not a natural response. Naturally, we want to hide, ignore, and never share our temptations. We think that this would burst people’s image of us. The fact that we are tempted does not mean we have sinned. It simply means we have areas that can be taken advantage of if left unchecked. When we share these areas and open up to council and mentorship, those temptations lose their power over us.
5. Get a coach
You were never meant to walk alone is more than a cliche or one-liner. God created mankind for relationship – not only with Him but with one another. A pastors constant temptation is to isolate and “go it alone”. We hear the old adage, “it’s lonely at the top”, and justify our lone wolf mentality and reaction to misunderstandings that rise up when our leadership is called into question.
“It is not good for man to be alone” (Genesis 2:18) is a powerful Biblical principle that still rings true today. Since the fall of man, our tendency is to run away and hide. When life is complicated or stressful, isolation seems to be the most natural response. “I just need to get away.” or, “I need a break.” or those Monday morning fantasies to run off and find a deserted island and become a hermit become more and more in the fore front in our thought life. God designed us for community and relationship. Not only with Him but also with one another.
As soon as we isolate ourselves, we easily take steps toward covering up sin, chaos, and temptation. This leads us into preservation mode instead of Faith mode. Preservation mode gives excuses. Faith mode acknowledges weakness. Preservation mode doesn’t see the problem. Faith mode exposes the problem. Preservation mode denies while Faith mode accepts. Preservation mode never takes a break while Faith mode embraces rest.
The best way to move from preservation mode to Faith mode is relationship. Relationship with a friend, a mentor, and Jesus.
True, not everyone has the capacity needed to walk with a minister as he/she navigates the pressures of ministry. This is no excuse not to do the hard work to find community. One great answer to leadership isolation is finding a coach and a mentor. Around a trustworthy Coach, every minister can be themselves with no strings attached. They don’t need to evangelize them, sell them anything, or recruit them to join and serve in their church. A coach can truly be a sounding board, an encouragement, a shoulder to cry on, and a barrier to isolation.
Start looking. Don’t stop till you find one!
Resources
Tall Oaks Coaching
http://www.TallOaksCoaching.com
This is a great organization that walks with and coaches ministers. They provide free executive coaching for ministers.
Capable Life
Steve Cuss is a gift. He offers training, coaching, reactivity resources, and community.
Podcasts
There are several great podcasts for leadership and community. Here are a few of my favorites:
Managing Leadership Anxiety
The Carey Nieuwhof Leadership Podcast
Dreams and Hope
ray on life 